If you're not familiar with PostSecret, it is--was--an art project that invited people to make and send postcards containing secrets they have never shared before. The art project came and went and people kept sending secrets, transforming it into a sort of giant Internet trust-project/confessional.
It fits, then, that the founder, Frank, was recently asked to talk about trust-building. How do you get people to trust you with their secrets? Naturally, Frank turned to other people to ask them their "secrets" for building trust, some of which he shared this week in this post. Notice how the different tips reflect the people giving them:
(One a related topic, if you read HONY at all, it's worth watching this video about how Brandon approaches people to elicit those amazing stories and photographs. The tip he shares here--getting down low--is just a small part of it.)
Frank's post got me thinking about what inspires trust in me. I took a minute to jot a few thoughts down, and I figured it was worth sharing them here, as well.
My trust-building tip is this:
"Treat friends, enemies, and yourself with the same compassion and the same fairness in your speech and actions. Don't have separate standards for people you like vs people you dislike."
I was bullied as a kid, and a transformative moment in my life was realising as a teen that the bullies weren't monsters--they were just ordinary kids who let themselves believe it was ok to have one set of standards for their friends and a different one for the weird, nerdy kid they didn't understand. They didn't think of themselves as "bullies." From their perspective, they were just kids goofing around with their friends.
What this realisation did for me is convince me that the measure of a person isn't how they treat their friends, it's how they treat everyone else, especially the people they dislike or don't understand. I look for people who try their best to keep their word regardless of who it was given to, who try not to demand any less in the way of consistency and principle from themselves than they do from others.
It's probably pretty obvious that this is nothing new: it's an application of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Matthew 5:43-48:
But Christ comes back to the Golden rule very quickly, embedding a version of it in the prayer he taught his disciples.
I don't know about you, but I have a long way to go yet before I'm ready for that measure.
*** I'm back to blogging for Lent! And I'm not the only one. Check out the list here.
It fits, then, that the founder, Frank, was recently asked to talk about trust-building. How do you get people to trust you with their secrets? Naturally, Frank turned to other people to ask them their "secrets" for building trust, some of which he shared this week in this post. Notice how the different tips reflect the people giving them:
Use a non-judgmental compassionate voice.– Suicide Prevention Hotline Trainer
Physical contact and talking about something besides hair.– My Barber
Crouching down and speaking to someone at a lower eye level.– Founder, Humans of New York
The ability to keep a secret makes you trustworthy.– My wife
(One a related topic, if you read HONY at all, it's worth watching this video about how Brandon approaches people to elicit those amazing stories and photographs. The tip he shares here--getting down low--is just a small part of it.)
Frank's post got me thinking about what inspires trust in me. I took a minute to jot a few thoughts down, and I figured it was worth sharing them here, as well.
My trust-building tip is this:
"Treat friends, enemies, and yourself with the same compassion and the same fairness in your speech and actions. Don't have separate standards for people you like vs people you dislike."
I was bullied as a kid, and a transformative moment in my life was realising as a teen that the bullies weren't monsters--they were just ordinary kids who let themselves believe it was ok to have one set of standards for their friends and a different one for the weird, nerdy kid they didn't understand. They didn't think of themselves as "bullies." From their perspective, they were just kids goofing around with their friends.
What this realisation did for me is convince me that the measure of a person isn't how they treat their friends, it's how they treat everyone else, especially the people they dislike or don't understand. I look for people who try their best to keep their word regardless of who it was given to, who try not to demand any less in the way of consistency and principle from themselves than they do from others.
It's probably pretty obvious that this is nothing new: it's an application of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Matthew 5:43-48:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."These are the verses that immediately precede today's Ash Wednesday reading, which cautions, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven..."
But Christ comes back to the Golden rule very quickly, embedding a version of it in the prayer he taught his disciples.
"This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."Or, as this lesson is paraphrased elsewhere, "by the measure you use, it shall be measured to you."
I don't know about you, but I have a long way to go yet before I'm ready for that measure.
*** I'm back to blogging for Lent! And I'm not the only one. Check out the list here.
3 comments:
That video about how Brandon gets the HONY stories was fascinating. Two things struck me: his empathy and that he is not very afraid of failure. He's not afraid of rejection. I suppose it makes sense that someone who was in finance would not have fear of failure. That kind of job attracts people who thrive on risk taking.
Anyway, I"m glad you're blogging again.
I think the idea of different standards being a sign of untrustworthiness is very astute. One of the marks of God is that he is simple -- a word which generally signifies basic or dumb these days, but which means he is one, not compounded of many parts. He is a unity. He is what he is. There's no duplicity in him -- and duplicity is also an interesting word for dishonesty, with the "du" prefix indicating two of something. Two-faced, double-crossing -- we have a lot of terms for this double standard which involve two-ness.
MrsD,
I was actually wondering about the translation of "perfect" in this context. We're told to love not only our friends, but also our enemies, to do good to those who hate us. We're told God makes it rain on the just and on the unjust. So, in that context, in what sense are we to be "perfect as your heavenly Father is perfecr"? That seems like a tall order...but maybe not so intimidating if it means to be simple, unified, one thing the way God is One. I need to find some commentary on the word translated here as "perfect."
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